There are too many excellent advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.

Would It Be Ethical For Me To Propose To My Girlfriend With A Lab-Grown Diamond But Tell Her It’s Natural?

My girlfriend and I have been dating for over two years, and I’m seriously considering proposing to her. In researching different types of engagement rings, I’ve begun to see, no pun intended, clear-cut differences between lab-grown and natural diamonds. While natural diamonds fall under a classic aesthetic, lab-grown diamonds are better for the environment and a better value (I could afford a larger carat) and don’t perpetuate the cruel abuses that take place during their mining.

For these reasons, I’m leaning heavily toward a lab-grown diamond. But I know that my girlfriend is only interested in a large natural diamond and would be extremely angry if given a lab diamond. I’ve considered telling her it’s a natural diamond, as the only way of being exposed is by a jeweler with an expensive loupe — or when she gets the ring appraised for insurance, which is, admittedly, a large risk. What should I do?

[The New York Times]

Kwame Anthony Appiah urges the letter writer not to lie about the diamond. “You’re free to tell your girlfriend that you’re unwilling to buy a natural diamond,” he writes. “But the deception you’re contemplating would be deeply disrespectful of her and her desires — and a wildly inauspicious step toward marriage.” Read the rest of his answer.

Shouldn’t My Teenage Niece Apologize To My Father After He Slapped Her?

About a month ago, my mother had a procedure scheduled in my brother’s metro area, about four hours from my parents’. The plan was for my parents to stay with my brother and his family for about a week.

My mother experienced complications and was in the hospital while my dad was staying with them, which was stressful and open-ended. It came to a head one morning over breakfast. Between work, my mother and the kids’ stuff, they didn’t have time to make dinner and eat it together, so my sister-in-law planned DoorDash. My father said my older niece, 15, should cook dinner when she gets home from school. My sister-in-law said she can’t because she has two school projects due the next day. My father reiterated his point. My niece said he can make dinner himself if he wants a home-cooked meal. My father slapped my niece in the face.

My brother and sister-in-law kicked my father out of their house. My brother still deals with our parents at the hospital, but he refuses to allow our father to be around his children. I flew out to get my father into a hotel and generally help.

It is very obvious my father is experiencing a change in personality consistent with early-onset dementia. Here is my perspective check: I think my brother is overreacting. I think an apology from my niece to my father for smarting off would go a long way. I suggested this to my brother to smooth things over, and he refused it as an option. My siblings supported my brother. I feel as if I’m alone in getting help for my father and as if my family is fragmented over something that isn’t that big of a deal. Can you or your readers give some perspective here?

[The Washington Post]

Carolyn Hax advises the letter writer to stop weighing in on the situation or trying to fix it. “How your brother and his wife protect their kids, and from what — a sexist, abusive grandparent or a dementia-violent one? — are none of your business,” she writes. “You just don’t get a vote about your dad’s stay in your brother’s home.” Read the rest of her answer.

Can I Ask My Sister-In-Law Why She Announced She Was Giving Her Child The Same Name As My Stillborn Baby, A Week After The Stillbirth?

Listen, I know no one “owns” a baby name. I swear I know that. I just need some advice on whether I’m lashing out because of my own pain or if I’m allowed to be upset. My husband and I just had a stillborn baby, and we’re devastated. I went into labor at 37 weeks, so we had already done all the baby prep, including choosing a name. I have always wanted to name my first daughter after my beloved grandmother, who raised me and passed away before I finished college. We hadn’t shared the name with anyone, but on the advice of the counsellor helping us after the stillbirth, we did name her then and used the name in the memorial and when we’ve talked about her. Basically, the advice has been to talk about her as our baby who passed, not a lost pregnancy. It’s been the hardest week of my life.

Today, my sister-in-law set up a Zoom call with the family and announced that she’s pregnant, and will be using our child/my grandmother’s name if the baby is a girl. (She announced the name, not that it was our baby’s. My husband told me afterward that the name has no significance in his family and he’s never heard her mention it before.) I congratulated her, but then she specifically asked if I liked the name, and when I said I loved it, she laughed and said, “You’re bringing us down, I’m allowed to be happy!” (Direct quote.) I know she is. I was smiling when I said I loved the name, but maybe I didn’t look sincere enough. Honestly, I was genuinely happy about the baby — it was only the name and then the immediate callout that had me reeling. My husband is furious, but he’s been (understandably) expressing his mourning with anger, while I’ve been weepy, so I’m not sure if he’s really angry at his sister. I don’t think I own the name, but is this something we can talk to my sister-in-law about, or are we out of line?

[Slate]

Michelle Herman encourages the letter writer to let the overall quality of their relationship with their sister-in-law inform their approach to talking to her. “If she had a shred of decency and kindness, and she was so set on this name (for all you know, she’d picked it out herself as the name she loved most in the world and wanted to use for her child someday), she should have talked to you privately about this after the made the group announcement of her pregnancy,” she writes. Read the rest of her answer.

How Can I Move On After Aggressively Demanding Answers From A Friend Who Ghosted Me 8 Years Ago?

About eight years ago, a close friend ghosted me. This was after I graduated high school. I messaged her multiple times, over a period of five months, to ask her what I had done wrong. Each time, she ignored me. After that, I decided to delete her from social media because if she didn’t want to answer my messages, she didn’t deserve to know what was going on in my life. Recently, I’ve thought about her and decided that I really needed closure on what happened. I messaged her a few times on Instagram (her account is public) and each time got no response. Fed up, I decided to call her on her cell phone. I started the call aggressively and came across as slightly unhinged. She answered and was shocked to hear from me. Turns out, she hadn’t gotten my messages nor could she remember why she stopped talking to me. All she could offer was that she had opinions on how she used to be but that it was a long time ago and she didn’t remember. I’m annoyed that I didn’t get closure, but also embarrassed that I came across as extremely petty and immature to someone who moved on. I sent her a text apologizing and trying to offer context for my behavior but received no response. How do I move on from this?

[Slate]

Jimbo advises the letter writer to redirect their energy toward people who are still active in their life. “Some people just grow apart and there is no explanation beyond the current of time,” she writes. “I would release any notion that you stand to gain anything by trying to understand the actions of a person who clearly doesn’t share the same connection you feel.” Read the rest of her answer.

What Did It Mean When My Partner’s Daughter Told A Restaurant Server That She Would Pay For Everyone’s Meal Except Mine?

After more than 30 years, the love of my life and I have finally reunited. Only now we have adult children who sometimes make things a little more complicated. I have tried very hard to keep things flowing as far as his relationship with his daughters goes, providing opportunities, time, space and my own money to make sure he spends special occasions with them.

This past weekend, his daughter invited us over to see her new place and celebrate my husband's birthday. So I filled the tank in the car, which is sorely needing repairs, and we drove an hour and a half to his daughter's house and then to the restaurant. Upon ordering, his daughter announced to the waitress that they would only be paying for their meals (her, her fiance and her dad), and my meal would be on a separate check.

My partner and I awkwardly laughed it off at the restaurant, but I was left feeling like I was punched in the stomach. I was fine to pay for my own dinner, but she and her fiance are in their mid-20s and have great jobs, so I feel like there was more at play here than them simply being cheap. I would love your opinion on this.

[Creators]

Annie Lane rules that the partner’s daughter’s behavior was rude. “Ask your husband if his daughter has any reason to be upset with you, or if he has any theories as to why she might be having a hard time accepting you into her family,” she writes. “Without more context, it's hard to know why she is acting this way — but it does seem to extend beyond basic table manners.” Read the rest of her answer.

Who Should Get Custody Of The Cloned Dog My Ex And I Paid $50,000 For?

My partner and I went through a breakup recently. During our relationship, he developed a close bond with my dog. As the dog grew older, we joked about cloning her to keep her in our lives. If Barbra Streisand could do it, why couldn’t we? Then the joke became a reality: When my dog turned 12, we cloned her. It’s been a joy to see her as a baby! (I rescued her when she was older.) Then came the breakup. I am keeping the older dog, but we can’t agree who should take the younger one. I think of her as part of my dog and want to keep her. He argues this is selfish of me and we should each get a dog in the breakup. (Note: He paid most of the cloning costs, about $50,000, and we share dog care.) Thoughts?

[The New York Times]

Philip Galanes counsels the letter writer to consider both dogs’ well-being first and foremost. “Still, there is no avoiding the fact that your former partner paid most of the $50,000 in cloning costs,” he writes. “That is persuasive evidence of an ownership stake.” Read the rest of his answer.

Read our last week's column here.